What does GOP and DNC stand for?

Good Ol’ Pussies
Does Not Care

Why choose sides?  Its like fighting a war of who is dumber.  Well, you both win.  I will nominate you Kings of the retards, and this is your kingdom.  I would rather have Prophet Snoop Dogg with his shizzle dizzle televizzle and his smoothness is something that the world really needs.

Not fighting over the size of Donald Trump’s small fingers, or why his hair looks like something a rooster wears.  But Hillary proving she is really a woman on her birth certificate, and not she is not a man with large hands.

 

 

Why compare yourself to an MultiFunction Printer?

There are so many people that try to do many things at the same time.  They call this multi-tasking like that are really good at it.  I call bull shit.  Have you ever owned an all in one printer?  Its like it can do two things at the same time, hell no.  Its actually as fuck, expensive to operate and jams up.

It’s actually quite similar to many people.  So instead of being great at one thing and never jamming, working like a champ, you end up being slow as fuck, jamming, and can’t remember what you are even doing.

Next time you are out printer shopping and you want to get one that is worth a shit find the big bulky heavy one that only prints and you will be much happier.  It’s committed, faster, better, and more cost effective to operate.

Why the world needs Yellow Crack

It seems like every day in the summer you are trying to enjoy your grill, garden, or just be outside and those wasp’s and yellow jackets just don’t back down.  The simple answer is kill them but it’s harder said than done.

HomeDepot’s traps and cans of shit don’t work and are a total waste of money.  You would be better chasing them around peeing on them that with that 20 foot spraying can of pussy oil.  It totally is worthless or the yellow baited shit can you have to clean out all of the time.

The answer is this.. Yellow Crack.. You see these drug people take it and it messes them up.. Why no make a different flavor to get these yellow jackets so addicted they need it and it kills them many different ways.

You would never give it to people or it would wipe them out too.  Remember go big or go home?  It’s nice to go home and have no more fucking yellow jackets.  You don’t have to run around like a crazy ass anymore with a pair of tongs in one hand and a fly swatter in the other.

Once I make them extint in my area I will post the recipe so you too can make your yellow crack.  I will tell you this besides yellow number 7, MSG, DE, and Corn Syrup, and white sugar, the key killer is Fipronil.   This will be the one hit shit kiss of death for these little bastards.

If we could get rid of yellow jackets and the weatherman this world would be a better place.

Reading for sport isn’t good for your health

Read study research, drilled into our heads over and over throughout school and time.  I just read an article that said it was good for your health.  I call bullshit.  You don’t think society isn’t messed up enough just give them another book to read.

Ok, picture books are different because you can kick through 4 of them in 15 minutes and feel like you just sent a man on the moon.. But to the true diehard readers is just creates antisocial behaviors, you know that Timothy McVeigh shit we don’t need.  Not to mention, reading glasses, stiff neck, paper cuts, and possible mold from library books.

I like to tease Jewish people because they had to read so much.  I compare them to shop vac’s which suck and blow.   They tend to read read read and suck it in… While doing so they can’t talk.  Once they come up for air the blow it at you.  It’s like a full Denial of Service Attack, more of a UDP flood because they don’t give a shit weather you understand or not, they will just open the gates of hell and let you receive it.

 

If farts had lips

Why did it happen to me?  Its 3:30 in the morning and my fart work me up.  I couldn’t handle the smell and the stinky fucker wouldn’t leave.  It just setup residence in my small basement bedroom.  Maybe that is where the term squatter came from, who knows.  I tossed and turned but it it would leave me.

What did I do to deserve this, could be be the the spicy chicken sandwich from Chick Fil A or the mix of beers before bed time.  All I drank was Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Kirin, or the Guinness Extra Stout.  I was wondering what his this silent but violent magic combination of toxicity that my ass was able to create.

If Doug-way Proving Grounds could get the magic recipe to my ass it this would be a whole new biological weapon.  I was thinking if I could just hook the shop vac to my ass and bottle it this could be priceless.  Especially if I can take gas a convert it back to a liquid and contain it, now that is magic.

So the mortal of the story is this, I didn’t get nap I wanted. I just got up to work to avoid any not so fresh feeling that I couldn’t control. My fart didn’t have lips it was a silent killer.

 

 

 

Faces of Death #? When the outhouse wins

I was up in the canyon hiking today at Donut Falls and had to take a leak, so I saw an outhouse there and walked in, big mistake.  The smell was so bad that if I would have been a smoker the flames would have blown me in pieces.  I could not breath and I felt violated in ever way shape and form.  It’s an airborne form of rape where you are held against you will with these deadly toxic gasses from people crap and there is nothing you can do but just force it out and flee the out house.

So I leave the door gasping for any type of air, rather than butt air that I was just main lining.  Finally relief comes back to me and up the mountain we go.  We finish the hike and make it back to the parking lot by the outhouse and I see a girl outside gasping and that same not so fresh look on her face that I just had an hr prior.

Now there is true happiness to know I was not alone on this one.  I would rather sit outside and view people’s faces as they leave and video it than even the hike.  Here is why..

 

Normally a person  goes to use the bathroom they enter with stress to push one out or take a leak, when they job is done they leave looking relaxed.  People know when they enter the bathroom they will exit with a sense of relief.

Well guess what?  Not in this case… You go in with pressure and you leave completely fucked and bewildered with that “WTF just happened to me look on your face”.

Faces of Death isn’t such a bad name for a shitty place.

ATT Lowered my expectations and now I am happy

I have ATT as my phone cell carrier.. It drops calls all day every day.  Some people would be upset but when I left Verizon I was looking to not have cell service all of the time.  They all brag about being the best but we all know it’s bullshit.  So with ATT and my call dropping and noise on the network I am happy.  I found one of the worst providers I can, paid, the least, and it works sometimes and it doesn’t.  Just by lowering your expectations with anything you can find true happiness.

 

 

What can you do in 30 mins?

If you had 30 mins you can get a lot of shit done if you focus on it.  Eat breakfast, water the garden, work on a project in the garage and exercise.

Well here at yahoo, working with their business support you can verify the last 4 digits of the credit card.

Dumb asses can’t even verify an account ..  I am happy that I didnt’ waste money on a college education.   I write this and now 38:38 into the phone call the email arrives. Can you say slow as fuck.

 

Dirty Box

I have to deal with so many people’s dirty boxes all of the time.   If you think a plumber has a hard job at least he can see what he is dealing with.  A computer bitch like myself gets to see the unknown and you can’t always see it.  I think I must be more like a cockroach of some sort to be able to adapt to such diseases.

The one good thing out of all of this is that after I get up in that box and clean it those people are much happier and it works much better.  Its nice to know what you are doing so keep your box clean so I don’t have to touch it.

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